People don’t typically miss you. I've tossed a thought around for about a week, and finally came to a conclusion this morning in my local coffee shop. The shop was swimming with people; all wrapped up in their D.C. lives. I wondered how many of them have dealt with you. How many killed you, cried over you or laughed through you. And then, the thought swept through my head again..."I miss cancer."
As my best friend would say, "WTF, Candice?!" I know, it's actually insane and crazy to miss you. Why would someone ever miss the intense fear that comes with you? Why would anyone miss being sick, or littered with medications? Every time I thought it, I shook my head in disgust at where my brain was going. And then this morning, it came to me.
I don't miss you, specifically. I miss the powerful adrenaline that comes with fighting something. I miss the intense, overwhelming thrill of putting every fiber of my being towards accomplishing something. I miss the drive to live against a threat I can't control. For a year of my life when I opened my eyes, I pushed towards defeating you. For a year of my life when I walked down the street, I made fun of you in my mind. For a year of my life, I showed others what it's like to live through you. It was the most empowering experience of my existence, and I miss it.
So, WTF! I don't miss you. I'm now ADDICTED to what comes from conquering you.